He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm just crazy horny about you
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
