u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm passing your future prison.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
