My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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