Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
