we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
