White coat. Heels.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
