I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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