Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
