And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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