grandma shit on top of the toilet
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
