We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
