just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
