Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
