Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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