One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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