I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
