She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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