Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
