Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
