Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
