Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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