Yo dont text me then not text me
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Barsexuality is the new black.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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