After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
