Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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