Your face is a jimmy john
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
