First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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