respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
