I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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