and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
