youre lurking in front of me
i dont even know how to be here
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
