Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sorry about my life...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
