FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
