He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
