My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
