I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
