I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
