Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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