i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
