puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
