Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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