please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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