As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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