Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
