Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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