I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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