The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
