Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Randomize
