You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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