i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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