You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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