marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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