Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
