It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
